We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
