Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
