dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
