You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
