I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
