i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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