Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize