the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
