So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
