Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He passed out mid-signature
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
