Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
