so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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