Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
