So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've blown a few things in my day
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
