I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
