McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
