I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
