did you get engaged???
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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