My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize