Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
