I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
smell my finger.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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