i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
