I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
