i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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