I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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