you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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