your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
