capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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