Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize