Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
two words: eviction party
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
