oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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