Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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