Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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