she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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