Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
