So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
