return my video game
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
