that's an acceptable place to lick
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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