I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
