I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
