jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
