no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There are leaves in my underwear?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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