Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
