i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
