My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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