I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
