I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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