yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
