Four minutes until I can fart!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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