he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize