Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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