brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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