She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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