3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
