Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
