Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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