u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have post one night stand depression
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