she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
ok first of all what the fuck
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
