I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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