I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
