no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
