Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize