your thong is hanging out like whoa
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
