She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
