Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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