We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
