The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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