The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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