is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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