highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i think i just lost a toe
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