He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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