so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
