i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
