is your mom at the bar?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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