I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize