I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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