I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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