Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
