I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
