I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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