Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
