I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
