i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
