i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
