My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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