I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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