Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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