If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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