Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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