Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
