pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
